


Don't Trust the Babysitter

by DarkMoonMaiden



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Christmas, Could Be Considered Crack, Gen, Holiday Shenanigans, Humor, Kidnapping, M/M, Steve is Peter's Dad, kid!Peter, kid!Wade
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-28
Updated: 2015-12-25
Packaged: 2018-03-03 23:33:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2892191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkMoonMaiden/pseuds/DarkMoonMaiden
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve knew that he shouldn't have trusted that eggnog-loving, green and red wearing, pointy-eared babysitter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't have an excuse for this. It's almost three in the morning and I have like five other fics I should be working on but this wouldn't leave me alone so I wrote it woops

Steve stared doubtfully down at the short, cherubic girl playing with his son.

“Nat,” he muttered to the spy, grabbing her arm when she was passing. “Where...where’d you say you got this babysitter?”

“She came recommended by Luke and Jessica,” Natasha responded, wrapping her pink scarf around her neck. “SHIELD okay’ed her--her record’s clean as a whistle, not even a speeding ticket.”

“Is she even old enough to drive?” Steve asked. “She looks like she’s sixteen.”

“She’s twenty-nine,” Natasha corrected, drawing out a startled sound from him. The girl didn’t have a single wrinkle on her face, and was extremely petite. “Now, I know she seems a little…” Her voice trailed off as she watched the girl excitedly cut out snowflakes with ten-year-old Peter, who was watching her with avid awe. “Peppy.”

“Peppy? She looks like she came straight from the North Pole,” he snorted. “And passing SHIELD’s tests doesn’t mean a thing. How do I know she’s not going to...to whisk Peter away or something?”

Natasha rolled her eyes, used to Steve’s newfound distrust of SHIELD that had appeared with HYDRA. She pulled Steve closer so she could straighten his tie.

“She’s _not_ going to whisk him away, Steve,” she assured him. “JARVIS will be constantly monitoring them, and--well, I think Wade would stab her if she tried anything.” Steve let out a low, pained groan, running his hand down his face. “Think of that as a good thing.”

“She’s right,” Clint snickered, watching Wade with a bit too much pride as the little boy glared at the babysitter--Candice, even her name sounded _Christmas-y_ and _happy_ \--and angrily built what looked like a Lego sword. “You have your own bodyguard-in-training.”

“I know she’s _peppy_ ,” Natasha continued, breaking in before Steve could retort, “but maybe that’s a good thing for Peter right now.”

It was a low blow, and they both knew it. Steve’s jaw closed with an audible click.

Things with Peter and Steve hadn’t been the smoothest since Bucky had been found. Steve and his adopted son had been forced to move out of their small, comfortable apartment and into Stark’s tower after the whole HYDRA ordeal. Natasha had searched it while Steve was in SHIELD’s medical care, and discovered numerous bugs and even a bomb hidden in the rooms. Steve had been quick to get him and his son out of there and to the safest place he could find--Stark Tower.

Peter had been understandably frightened and confused by the abrupt move and intimidating new surroundings. His nerves were constantly frayed, and he was awestruck at being around all of the superheroes. Steve had attempted to keep most of his superhero-ing out of their home lives (with the notable exceptions being a few of the Avengers), so the parade of famous mutants and superhumans that came in and out of the tower startled and overwhelmed Peter.

It didn’t help that Steve was distant for those first few weeks, since all of his attention was focused on Bucky and figuring out their relationship. Peter had been put on the back burner, even though he needed his father more than ever. Luckily, the other Avengers had been able to care for him, and Wade Wilson--Logan’s unofficial charge--had been quick to latch onto him. They’d bonded almost immediately, and in less than a week they were attached at the hip.

When Steve and Bucky had finally smoothed over their feelings and entered a relationship, Steve realized how he’d been treating his son, and guiltily tried to patch things up with Peter.

The six year old wasn’t angry with Steve, like he’d expected him to be, but was more upset and scared that he was being replaced. It had broken Steve’s heart, knowing that Peter thought he was going to be abandoned, and he’d desperately tried to assure him that everything was going to be alright, that things were going to go back to a semblance of normalcy. Peter wasn’t convinced, but didn’t talk about it again.

To make matters worse, Peter and Bucky were awkward and stiff around each other. Bucky had no clue how to handle a child, and knowing that this was Steve’s kid frightened him even more. Peter was already shy around adults, and the pressure of behaving properly around his dad’s boyfriend made him shrink further into himself.

Steve had a sneaking suspicion that the only reason Peter made an effort to talk to Bucky was because Aunt Natasha had told him something. When he brought it up, the redhead refused to give him a straight answer in true Black Widow fashion.

Steve shook himself out of his thoughts before Clint or Natasha noticed his pained expression, refocusing on them.

“Do we know what’s up with the ears, though?” Clint drew the attention back to the babysitter, miming points with his hands above his ears.

That had definitely caught Steve’s attention--the babysitter’s ears were pointed. They definitely seemed to add to the whole “Santa’s elf” thing that she had going on.

Natasha shrugged. “She’s a mutant,” she said. “It’s not that rare.”

“Legolas here just wants to know how he can get a pair for his cosplay,” Tony joked as he entered the living room, followed by Logan. Both of them were wearing suits for the charity event (though Logan was only wearing the suit jacket, opting for a pair of jeans and boots instead of the formal clothing).

The gruff mutant tussled Wade’s hair as he passed him, ignoring Clint and Tony’s bickering. “Don’t start any fires,” he advised.

Wade gave him a gap-toothed grin, his cheek still sporting a burn from the last fire he’d started. “I won’t,” he promised. “I still can’t reach the matches on the top of the fridge. How’d you get them up there, anyways? It’s really high, and you’re super short. Did you have to climb up on the counter again? Or did Thor--”

“Shut up, kid,” Logan growled at his charge, his words lacking any real malice. Wade smirked at him, obviously not intimidated in the slightest. Peter giggled, and Logan lightly cuffed him on the back of his head, earning a squawk of annoyance and more high pitched giggles from the babysitter.

“Alright, chop chop,” Tony said, clapping his hands. “We gotta go and raise some money for orphans so Santa can visit them this year!”

“But Santa visits every kid, every year,” Candice piped up, a confused frown furrowing her brow.

Tony started at her blankly for a few seconds before slowly turning on his heel to face his teammates. “So, everyone’s ready?” he asked, smiling winningly and pretending he didn’t hear the girl.

The Avengers piled into the elevator, but Steve hung back. He called out to Peter, and the little boy scrambled up, tiptoeing carefully around the various Lego pieces that littered the floor. He threw himself at Steve’s legs, wrapping his small arms around them in a tight hug. Steve hugged him back, his chest warming.

“I’ll be back in the morning, okay?” Steve assured him. “Then I’m yours for the rest week.”

“Will you bake cookies with me then?” Peter whispered. “I wanna make some f’r Wade ‘n Auntie Nat.”

“Of course,” Steve said, giving him a smacking kiss on his cheek. “We’ll make enough for everyone, okay?”

“Okay!” Peter said, and ran back to Wade.

Still smiling faintly, Steve got into the elevator and rode it down to the garage with the rest of the Avengers.

***

“Are you really from the North Pole?” Peter asked, eyes wide and mouth slightly open in wonder.

Wade immediately wanted to drag the younger boy out of the room when Candice gave him one of her patented, much-too-large grins. There was something weird about this chick, and Wade wasn’t sure he liked having Petey around a weird stranger who made Captain America nervous.

“Uh-huh!” she chirped in response to Peter’s question. “I grew up on Gingerbread Lane, right behind the Candy Cane forests! And then, when I got older, I moved to Christmastown, where _Santa_ lives--”

“Look, lady,” Wade broke in, scowling at her. “How old do you think we are? We’re not buying any of your bullshit.”

Candice and Peter gasped loudly. “Wade, you did a _swear_ ,” the boy whispered in shock, staring fearfully at the eleven-year-old.

Wade grabbed Peter’s hand to try and calm him down. “It’s fine, Uncle Logan says you can use ‘em when someone’s being really dumb.”

“I don’t know why you’d think I was lying to you,” Candice huffed, much more concerned with Wade’s belief in her than his vulgar language. “I’m not that kind of elf! Santa doesn’t hire liars, you know. There’s a strict screening process to become one of Santa’s workers.”

“But you literally just lied to us,” Wade argued. “You’re not an elf, and Santa Claus isn’t real. All of the toys are from our parents. Or guardians,” he added for his own benefit.

Candice honestly looked so stricken that Wade felt a slimmer of guilt. “You...you don’t believe in Mr. Claus?” she whispered brokenly, clutching at her chest. “How? Why?”

“Well…” Wade faltered. “He’s just something that companies use to get people to buy more toys on Christmas. An’ there’s no way he could get around the world in a single night.” His words only seemed to hurt the lady even more, and tears started to well up in her eyes.

She looked down at her hot cocoa, sniffing. “I guess it’s true what everyone was saying,” she mumbled. “Kids really don’t believe in Santa these days.” Her cheerful demeanor seemed to melt off of her, and she sat back down on the couch.

Peter sat next to her on the couch, putting a comforting hand on her shoulder. He flapped his free hand to gain the other boy’s attention. His brow was furrowed, and he emphatically mouthed for Wade to _do something, she’s about to start crying!_ Wade tried to mouth something back, but Peter shook his head stubbornly.

Wade groaned helplessly, rolling his head back--he couldn’t say no to baby Petey, it was practically impossible. Those eyes could get _Uncle Logan_ wrapped around his finger.

Wade went and sat down on the other side of Candice, who was still sniffling and fighting back tears.

“Uh, hey, please don’t cry,” he said awkwardly. “It’s--it’s not that we _don’t_ believe in Santa Claus, exactly.” He glanced up at Peter, who nodded encouragingly. “We’ve just...never seen any proof of Santa being real.”

Those seemed to be the magic words.

The spark was immediately back in Candice’s eyes. She sat up straighter. “So what you’re _saying_ ,” she began, “is if I _show_ you Mr. Claus and the North Pole, then you’ll believe in them?”

Peter and Wade shared a wary, confused glance. “I mean, I guess,” Wade shrugged.

Candice downed the last of her hot chocolate and jumped over the back of the couch, back to her chipper and energetic self. “Finish your cocoa and put on your shoes and jackets, boys!” she exclaimed, twirling around and putting her hands on her hips. “We’re going on an adventure!”

“Wade, I don’ think we’re s’posed to leave th’ house,” Peter whispered to Wade as he struggled to put on his snow boots, still licking chocolate off his lips. “Dad might get mad.”

“It’ll be fine,” Wade responded, jamming his hat on his head. “I’ll make sure nothing goes wrong, ‘n then we’ll be back before anyone notices we left.”

Peter nodded seriously in agreement.

Usually, Wade would have stabbed this crazy lady with his toy sword for suggesting taking Peter to an unknown location before calling Logan, but something in the back of his head was telling him to go along with it. Something about her ridiculous enthusiasm and belief in this nonsense had him curious--where did she _actually_ live? Who did she think was Santa Claus? The questions refused to leave him alone, and he decided that he and Peter had to figure out the truth.

(That didn’t mean he was going unarmed--he took the small knife that Aunt Natasha kept hidden under the couch.)

Wade made sure that Peter’s coat was zipped up all the way and his scarf was secured around his neck. And gosh, if he didn’t look so stinkin’ cute, with his Iron Man jacket and Hulk pajamas. He wished that he had a camera to take a picture and add to his growing scrapbook.

“ _Master Wade, I don’t think this is the best idea_ ,” JARVIS hesitantly advised, speaking up for the first time.

“Ah, shut up,” Wade scoffed, holding Peter’s hand and taking him back to the living room. “Stop tryin’ to ruin our fun.”

“‘S fine, JARVIS,” Peter said to the ceiling. “I’ll make sure Wade doesn’t hurt h’mself again with Aunt Nat’s knife.” Wade’s cheeks turned bright red, unaware that the younger boy knew that he’d taken it and embarrassed that that situation had been brought up.

“Don’t need t’be protected by you,” he grumbled. “I’m the older one.”

“But you’re protectin’ me, so I hafta take care of you,” Peter replied, as if it were the simplest thing in the world.

“You guys ready?” Candice sang, reentering the living room wearing a green and red cap and a matching jacket. “Dressed warmly?”

“We’re ready,” Wade assured her, jutting his chin out and attempting to exude a confident attitude. “How are we going? Car? Bus? Helicopter?”

Candice laughed. “Of course not, sillies,” she giggled. “We’re going by _magic!_ ”

Wade warily took a step back. He’d only heard bad things about magic from Uncle Tony and Uncle Clint, ever since that whole thing with Loki. Thor tried to tell him that not all of it was bad, that magic was mostly neutral, but the majority of the Asgardian's speeches went well over his head. Wade would stick with being wary and scared of it instead of trying to decipher Thor's complicated explanations.

Candice pulled out a handful of something from her bag and flung it into the air.

“ _Miss Candice, Master Peter--_ ” JARVIS attempted to break in again. Candice payed him no mind.

Before Wade could jump away from the glitter, it had surrounded the trio. Wade clutched Peter tightly, feeling a cold tingling in his toes and fingertips and tasting peppermint in the back of his mouth. The room started to glow, and then disappeared in a blast of light.

When it faded, the two children and their babysitter were nowhere to be found. There was only a trace of glitter sparkling in the air, lazily spiraling to the carpet.

“ _Oh...oh, dear_ ,” JARVIS said faintly, and quickly sent a distress signal to Tony’s phone.

***

Steve couldn’t shake the feeling in his gut that something was wrong as he made his way around the large room.

He put on his bright, charming smile as various wealthy people talked to him, trying to seem interested while his mind was a million miles away and figure out what was setting off alarms in his head.

Bucky came up and stood next to Steve when there was a lull in the conversation. He wore the same plastic smile, playing the role of a rich businessman. SHIELD and the Avengers had yet to announce the Winter Soldier’s identity, or even his existence.

“You doin’ alright?” Bucky muttered to his partner.

“Just thinking about Peter,” Steve responded. “Do you think it’s too soon to check in on them?”

“We’ve been here for less than an hour,” Bucky snorted, taking a drink from his glass. “That means yes.”

“I feel bad for leaving him alone, though,” Steve sighed, turning to face Bucky. “This is the first time I haven’t been with him when it’s this close to Christmas. I usually take the whole week off, and we would decorate the apartment.”

Bucky frowned sympathetically, moving minutely closer so their shoulders brushed. “At least Wade’s with him,” he commented. “They seem to like each other a lot.”

Steve growled. “Let’s not talk about their relationship right now,” he said sourly. The jury was still out on if Wade’s adoration of Peter and Peter’s returned affections were acceptable.

Bucky chuckled lightly, knowing what his boyfriend was thinking. “We don’t have to stay for the whole party,” he commented. “The others probably won’t mind.”

That might be true--Tony was working the room like the pro he was, while Thor regaled a group of people with tales from Asgard and Bruce kept up a discussion with the other scientists in the room. Captain America would be missed, but no doubt the other Avengers could distract everyone and still amass a large amount for the charity.

Out of habit, Steve’s eyes searched out Tony to make sure that he hadn’t done anything to ruin the Avengers’ reputation or gotten extremely drunk.

What he saw certainly wasn’t reassuring.

Tony was talking in hushed tones in his phone and waving over Logan. The two of them left the room, Tony still talking rapidly in the phone, and Steve hurried after them without a second thought.

He caught the two of them in a hallway.

“What’s going on?” he asked urgently. Behind him, Bucky and Thor approached them, confused and wary.

“Don’t freak out,” Tony said immediately, holding a hand out to placate the superhero.

Steve felt his stomach clench. “Freak out over what?” he demanded. Bucky grabbed his upper arm to make sure he didn’t throw a swing at the genius--which was honestly starting to sound appealing, because Tony was dancing around the subject and every time he danced around a subject it meant something bad had happened and _why was Tony not getting to the point_.

Tony and Logan shared a worried glance, only furthering Steve’s fears and irritation. The wine glass in his hand shattered in his grip, and Thor shifted uneasily from one foot to another.

“Well, uh,” Tony cleared his throat. “JARVIS just called me. And, well, it seems that, uh--”

“The babysitter kidnapped Wade and Peter,” Logan broke in, deciding that bluntness was the best in the situation.

The world reeled around Steve.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh, I'm so, so sorry, and super embarrassed. It's been almost exactly a year since I updated this story! D:
> 
> Don't worry, I haven't given up on this yet. The whole thing's outlined, and I split this chapter in half to get this out faster to you guys, so it's pretty short. I should have the next part out before Christmas, and then my goal is to finish this before New Year's.

Steve rubbed his temples. “They’re at the _North Pole_ ,” he stated. “The North Pole. Where Santa lives.”

“Yes,” Agent Hill said, clearing her throat.

“Santa Claus is a real person.”

“Yes.”

“ _Santa Claus_.”

“ _Yes_ , Rogers. Santa Claus. He’s real.”

“There is a man, who delivers presents to children every year, that none of us knew was actually real,” he clarified.

“Repeating it ten times doesn’t make it better,” Logan snarled, still prowling around the room. Steve threw him a withering glare, which was returned tenfold by the mutant.

“I’m hoping that if I say it enough times, someone will realize how crazy we’re being and tell me who _actually_ took my son and Wade,” he growled.

“We made an agreement with Mr. Claus, when we first found out about him,” Agent Hill explained unprompted. Clint let out a hysterical snort of laughter at the name and quickly turned away, covering his mouth to stifle the rest of his laughs. “He wasn’t doing any harm, and his magic sort of smooths things over with the time issue and anonymity.”

Steve groaned as if in physical pain, rubbing his forehead. “Okay. For the sake of time, I’m going to act like that makes sense. How do we _get there_?”

The question seemed to be the one that Agent Hill was dreading. She tensed, tilting her head to the side. “Well…”

“If you tell me that you don’t know how, this is going to get really ugly,” Logan said, jaw tense and fists clenched.

Agent Hill’s silence was enough of an answer.

Logan threw up his hands in disbelief and left the room. “I’ll be at the jet,” he barked behind him. “Instead of sitting around complaining about not knowing where they are, I’m gonna go _find them_.”

As the door slid open, Nick Fury entered. Logan passed by him, shoulder bumping against the other man’s and giving him a dark glare. Fury gave him a level stare but let him pass without any kind of confrontation, walking purposefully to the center of the room.

The look of pure hatred Steve was giving Fury was adding to the nervous energy thrumming through the room. Sam was close at Steve’s side, feeling the same anger sitting in the pit of his stomach. He kept his face emotionless, though, choosing instead to warily watch Steve and make sure he didn’t take a swing at the director of SHIELD (though that was sorely tempting).

“I’d like to know how this happened,” Steve finally said, fighting to keep his calm exterior. “No excuses, no lies. You said she passed your screening. _SHIELD’s_ screening.”

“She did,” Director Fury nodded, stoic as ever. “There was no reason to suspect that--”

“--she would kidnap my son and his friend and take them God knows where?” Steve cut in, voice sharp and raising. “You son of a _bitch_ \--”

“It was impossible to foresee something like this,” Fury snapped at him.

Sam actually did have to hold Steve back this time, Natasha holding onto Steve's shoulder tightly. Clint and Agent Hill hovered nervously in the background, uncertain if they should interfere, and Fury took a wary step back.

“Steve, we don’t need to deal with this,” Sam said lowly in Steve’s ear, pushing on his chest. “We can just go. Stark’s prepping the jet, and Bucky’s waiting for you.”

The sound of his boyfriend’s name and his best friend’s voice seemed to bring him out of his anger enough to see reason. Steve breathed heavily through his nose, jerkily turning away from Fury. He strode out of the room without looking to see if anyone followed him.

***

When the spots were no longer dancing in front of his eyes and his head stopped spinning, Wade became aware that he and Peter weren’t in the Tower anymore, but sitting in a hill of snow. When he got a closer look, he realized that they weren’t even in New York--or if they were, they were out in the countryside.

_Very,_ very far out in the countryside.

There were hills and hills of snow, stretching out in every direction. Very cold snow, he might add, that had sifted down the back of his shirt. The stars in the sky seemed impossibly bright and numerous, more than Wade could ever dream of seeing in the city.

More importantly, though, it looked like there was absolutely nothing around them. No buildings, trees, roads, _anything_.

Peter sat up next to him, brushing some snow off of his shoulders. “Wade? Where are we?” he asked, teeth chattering.

“I dunno,” Wade shivered. “But I can tell you that it’s not New York.”

Before Peter could huff out an annoyed response that he could _see_ that, an object burst through the snow. The two boys screeched loudly, jumping back and tumbling backwards into another snowdrift.

“Oof, might’ve overshot that a bit,” Candice said, brushing the snow off her clothes and righting her hat. “Sorry, boys, it’s been awhile since I’ve had to travel with more than just myself.”

“Where are we?” Wade asked tersely, struggling to stand up and put himself between Peter and babysitter.

“I thought I’d already told you that,” she frowned. “The North Pole. See? Can’t you see it over there?”

And damned if there wasn’t a red and white striped pole atop one of the snowy hills in the far distance, with a shiny gold orb to top it off. The orb sparkled and shone from an unseen light, glowing brightly.

“It’s not _quite_ the North Pole yet,” she amended. “The actual one's in the middle of the city. That’s just a sign, but that’s what it’ll look like. Except _bigger_.” She held open her arms for emphasis.

“Okay,” Wade said, voice more shrill than usual. “That was definitely not there a few seconds ago. Okay. Whatever. So you brought us here. And the North Pole’s an actual thing. Okay. What about Santa Claus? Elves? I’m not seeing anyone.”

“Don’t worry,” Candice chirped, wading through the snow, “the train’s just over that hill, and it’ll take us to the city. We can warm up, and I’ll get you some hot cocoa, and then you can see Mr. Claus and the other elves. How does that sound?”

“Sounds great, but I’m gonna be losing some fingers and toes if you don’t hurry up,” Wade grumbled before grabbing Peter’s hand and helping the smaller boy plod through the snow mounds. The boy was so small he was practically swimming through it.

As they got closer to the fake North Pole, the glow started to get brighter and brighter, turning the snow a sparkling gold. They finally were standing on the top of the hill, and Wade was shocked at what he saw.

Train tracks snaked through the snow hills, made out of bright silver and dark wood. The snow that was blown onto it almost immediately melted off and evaporated, keeping the metal bright and dry. There was a polished bench that was also clean of snow next to the towering striped pole, which had a sign protruding over the bench, announcing in ornate letters that this was ‘Snow Station.’

Candice positioned Peter and Wade on either side of her, sitting under the sign. She looked expectantly down the tracks, serenely waiting for something. Peter peeked around Wade to give him a slightly concerned frown, but all Wade could do was shrug helplessly and sit back to wait for what was hopefully a train.

And sure enough, after a few moments, they heard a whistle blowing, followed by a soft rumbling. Wade couldn’t believe his eyes as a train came over one of the hills, coming closer and closer before slowing to a steady stop in front of them.

The train was small but ornate, with only a few cars that were made out of a shiny, red wood and gold detailing. Through the glass, the boys could see square tables with teacups and matching teapots on them, surrounded by cushioned benches.

Candice went over and glanced into the engine car, frowning when she saw it was empty. “Marty must have the night off,” she said wistfully, going back and opening one of the car doors. “That stinks, I was hoping you guys would get to meet him.”

Peter climbed into one of the booths first, scooting further in so Wade could follow. Candice sat across from them.

“How’s it moving without a conductor?” Wade asked skeptically. “This thing doesn’t seem new enough to be automated. Isn’t this dangerous?”

Candice patted the windowpane, smiling widely. “It runs on magic, so of course it’s safe,” she said. The whistle shrieked and the train shuddered into motion. “Over 200 years old. It’s Marty’s baby.”

Wade grumbled something, but didn’t fight Candice on her point as she poured hot chocolate from the teapot into each of their cups. “Try some,” she urged. “It’ll keep you warmed up.”

Peter obeyed, bringing the cup to his lips and blowing before taking a small sip. His eyes lit up and he smiled at his friend. “Try some, Wade!” he urged, nudging his friend’s shoulder. “It tastes really good!”

The older boy was never one to turn down an opportunity to have chocolate, especially when it was free. He sniffed it cautiously, grimacing at the strong peppermint smell emanating. But when he took a sip, he was pleasantly surprised by how good it tasted, and the fact that it wasn’t hot enough to burn his tongue. The feeling returned to his toes and fingers the more he drank of it, and by his second cup, he was completely warmed up.

While they drank their hot cocoa, Peter went up on his knees and looked out the window. He gasped excited and grabbed Wade’s arm, making him almost spill his drink all over himself. “WADE! WADE LOOK!”

Panicked, Wade quickly started scanning the outside, searching for whatever was causing Peter to scream. He let out a huge puff of air when he saw that it was simply a group of penguins, all of them waddling together.

“I’ve never seen a penguin before!” he said excitedly. “I mean, there was that one time at the zoo, but this is _so much cooler_ , oh my gosh look how pretty they are!”

Wade smiled indulgently, patting the overexcited boy’s head affectionately and internally trembling in relief that it wasn’t a Yeti. Oh no, what if there were Yetis up here? Jesus, anything was possible at this point. How was he going to defend Peter with nothing more than a small switchblade and a flighty babysitter? He had his work cut out for him…

“Wade, are you listening to me?”

Wade tuned back in to find that Peter had stopped babbling out penguin facts and was now pouting at his friend. “Yeah, I am,” Wade insisted. “You were saying that they’re uh, found in the Southern Hemisphere--wait, how are they here, then?”

“Shhh,” Candice hushed him, putting up a finger over her mouth. “Don’t worry about it. They’re allowed to take a vacation sometimes, aren’t they?”

“I mean, I guess…”

“Good," she smiled. "Oh, look up! Do you see the Northern Lights?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and waiting so long!! I changed my url on tumblr, so if you wanna chat/have any questions or prompts, send me a message at: continuitygains.tumblr.com


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Third chapter! Almost finished! Thanks to darling Kenzi for reading through this for me <3 
> 
> I'm sorry if I missed any grammatical or spelling errors, my house is really hectic at the moment with family and friends

At this point, Wade was learning that he needed to just roll with the punches. If he stopped and thought about how shady this whole situation was, he wouldn’t be able to think of anything else.

There was a miniature city in front him. Not one that was made for little dolls or as a diorama, but one that was made for elves, apparently. All of the buildings were made out of red bricks and had wreaths on the doors, lining a narrow cobblestone street that was dotted with ornate lampposts. The only snow present was confined to the niches between the cobblestone and the corners of the windowpanes, along with the sloped roofs.

The road was completely empty, but Wade could hear music playing from somewhere. He peered into one of the windows, trying to find the source of the muffled Christmas carols, and saw what looked like a miniature factory. There were lines of conveyor belts, elves sitting around them on stools. Shelves were lined with tools and various presents, with garlands of holly and other greenery lining the windowsills and some of the desks.

Each one of the elves seemed to have a job to do with all of the toys that were speedily rolling in front of them. They expertly reached out and did whatever it was that they had to do, only spending a few seconds at a time on each toy. Elves wearing blue and white sweaters seemed to be supervisors, holding clipboards and speaking into headsets. Others had carts filled with presents wrapped in brightly colored wrapping paper, briskly pushing them to wherever they needed to go.

“Are these elf sweatshops?” Wade loudly asked Candice.

“No, no, no,” she quickly said. “Santa makes sure that all of his elves and employees work in a safe environment, and get paid well.”

Wade gave her a suspicious glance, but nodded. So far, all of the elves seemed to be happy enough, if very busy. No one seemed to be angry enough to start a riot against unfair working conditions and overthrow whatever government system they had at the North Pole. _Damn. That could’ve been awesome._

Candice stopped in front of a set of heavy double doors. Above it hung a sign that read ‘HEADQUARTERS’ in bold, cheerily green letters. “This is it,” she said, holding her arms out wide. “This is where the Lists are kept.” The capital ‘L’ was obvious, and it was easy to figure out that she was referring to the Naughty and Nice Lists.

She opened one of the double doors and ushered them inside to the warm building.

It seemed much busier than the other buildings had been. There filing cabinets that stretched high in the air, the elves needing ladders to reach the highest drawers. Elves were rushing around, carrying folders and pushing carts that were covered in papers. Cheerful, holiday music ran throughout the building, and further back, a large monitor peeked over the cabinets.

“Here, let’s go up,” Candice said, herding the boys up the stairs. “You’ll get a better view of everything, and we won’t get in anyone’s way. These elves get really grouchy when it’s this close to Christmas.”

Higher up, they could see the whole floor of the building. There was, in fact, a machine that had dozens of monitors and keyboards. Elves were rapidly typing on them, pulling up what seemed to be profiles on children and looking at what seemed to be the corresponding file before deciding on something and moving onto the next one, handing the file back to be returned to the cabinets.

Peter leaned over the railing and pointed down at the elves scurrying around and operating the machinery. “What’re they doing?” he questioned.

Candice leaned back. “Hey, Chris!” she called out. One of the elves on the platform stopped and looked back at her curiously. “Come here! We have some visitors here who wanna know about what’s going on.”

The elf joined them, smiling brightly. “Hey, guys,” he chirped at them. “What’re your questions?”

Peter pointed again at the screens and keyboards. “What’re they doing?” he repeated.

The elf looked at where he was pointing. “Oh, those guys keep track of all the naughty and nice kids,” he explained cheerily. “Do you see all those cabinets?” Peter nodded, peering at the rows upon rows of towering filing cabinets. “Those have the names of _every single_ kid in the world, and their record, so we can check to see how many times they’ve been bad or good throughout the year.”

The little boy’s eyes widened comically. “How do you keep track of all that?” he gasped. “And keep it so organized? It must take _ages_.”

The elf laughed good-naturedly. “Well, do you see all those elves putting those envelopes into those piles?” Indeed, there were dozens of elves sifting through papers at an impossibly fast pace, tossing certain ones into different piles. “Those guys are sorting them alphabetically and by naughty or nice, and then those robot arms come and scan them to figure out where they need to go…”

Candice watched as her colleague emphatically explained the sorting process to Peter, excited to have someone eager to learn about his job. Wade was listening in with interest, but the intensity of his stare was slightly off putting to the babysitter.

One of the secretaries approached her. “Uh, Candice?” she began timidly, fiddling with her bracelet. “Did you clear this tour with anybody?”

“It’s fine,” Candice breezily assured her. “We have kids on tours all the time over here.”

“I mean, I guess, but not here. This place is usually off limits. And it’s usually children who are having a crisis of faith in Christmas and Mr. Claus…”

“The older one is _totally_ having a crisis right now,” Candice quickly said. “You didn’t hear him earlier, saying horrible things like I was a liar and that Mr. Claus wasn’t real.” She shuddered at the very thought, and Wade whipped around to glare at her when he heard her talking about him. “And the little one likes technology. So I figured I might as well give ‘im an amazing experience by letting him see the NP’s rad, one of a kind robots!”

“Candice, this is totally against North Pole policies--”

“Shh,” the elf hushed her. “I got this. Just relax.”

She patted the secretary on the shoulder comfortingly, giving her a dimpled grin. The other elf didn’t look remotely convinced or comforted, but she didn’t try to stop Candice as she herded the boys into the next room.

***

“Just... _Santa Claus_ , man.”

“Clint, shut the hell up before I break your neck.”

Clint pouted at Bucky’s threat, but went back to adjusting the heads of his arrows. “Cut me some slack, man,” he huffed. “It’s not every day you find out that your childhood hero is real.”

Natasha leaned around Bucky to give Clint a deadpan look, raising an eyebrow. “Santa Claus was your childhood hero?”

“Duh. He broke into people’s houses without ever getting caught or in trouble, had to be wickedly fast to get to everyone’s houses on time, _and_ he got free cookies out of it.”

Tony made a pained sound from the front of the jet as typed something on a tablet. Natasha sighed heavily and got up from her seat, going into the cockpit to take over the autopilot controls when something started to beep noisily.

***

Wade knew he was on the naughty list. There wasn't a doubt in his mind.

He just HAD to be. And he would wear that fact with pride--being on Santa's bad kid list? That was the absolute coolest. He would brag about it to everyone.

But why not be on the good list? a small part of his brain whispered. Then, he'd actually get _more_ presents, and possibly even _better_ presents, and wouldn’t have Logan constantly nagging him about ‘being a better person,’ yadda yadda yadda.

Wade huffed. Okay, so being on the nice list sounded loads better, there was no denying it.

But what was he supposed to do about it? Christmas was tomorrow, and oh boy, had there been a lot of stuff that made reaching the nice list seem even more impossible to reach. Honestly, if he were in Santa’s position, he’d put himself on the naughty list, too. Wade was just a terror, through and through, and he could admit that.

If worse came to worse, maybe he could convince Peter that he wanted an actual bazooka, and then swipe it when the blessed gift came from the fat guy. But then he’d have to see Peter’s big teary eyes when his present was stolen, and that was almost worse than the disapproving lecture that would follow from just about everyone in Stark Tower.

But…

But maybe there was another way.

Grinning widely, Wade quickly slipped behind a building, the other three continuing to walk without noticing. Waiting until they’d rounded the corner, he doubled back and started to make his way to the sorting room, a plan running through his head.

***

The screen with Fury's image on it showed his displeasure. He let out a short breath. "I told you, it’s not a place you’ll be able to find by yourself,” he said.

“It’s the North Pole!” Steve argued as he secured the bag with a parachute on himself. “Why do they have cloaking systems that’re nicer than Tony’s and SHIELD’s combined?”

“I take offense!” Tony called from the cockpit, typing angrily into a computer to find wherever they were supposed to be. He swore loudly. “They’re good, but they’re not _nearly_ as good as me!”

“Then how come you can’t find them?” Clint snarked quietly. Natasha’s mouth quirked into a small smirk when Tony whirled around to point a warning finger at the archer. He opened his mouth to return with what was no doubt about a witty comment, but chose not to say anything and return to typing.

Fury closed his eye to reign in his annoyance. “It’s been hidden for over four hundred years,” he said with as much patience as he could muster up. “It’s safe to say that they have a very sophisticated cloaking system.”

“We’ll see about that,” Tony uttered.

“Look, if you’ll all just wait a bit longer, we can establish contact with them, and then they’ll allow you freely in, without any need for breaking into a secure base.”

“If we don’t get contact with them in five minutes, then I’m taking matters into my own hands,” Steve stated shortly, ignoring Fury’s mutter that that was what he was already doing. “And Tony’s going to still keep trying to find it.”

“You bet your fine ass I will,” Tony yelled over his shoulder.

Fury let out a long-suffering sigh and disconnected the call.

***

“Wade, where are you going?”

Wade yelped in surprise, jumping back. Peter was standing behind him, looking suspiciously up at his friend.

“I, uh, I think I dropped one of my mittens back in the sorting factory, so I was going back to get it,” he said hastily, smiling innocently.

Peter’s eyes narrowed. “You’re lying,” he accused him. “You have both of your gloves.”

Wade hid his hands behind his back. “No, I don’t.”

“Yeah you do, I just saw both of them. And you’re doing that blinky thing you do when you’re lying.”

Wade scowled, letting out an angry breath. He brought his arms around and crossed them over his chest. “Fine. I was lying,” he snapped. “You got me, okay? You and your dumb, smart head got me.”

“Where are you going? Miss Candice didn’t want us to wander off,” Peter chided him with a pout. The disapproving expression was one that Wade had seen on Captain America’s face dozens of times, and it made his heart melt at how the little boy was adorably trying to copy it.

“I just wanted to look around a bit more,” he said. _Not a lie, but definitely not the truth. Try and be fooled by my blinking_ now, _Peter!_ “The place is so big, and they were moving way too fast for me to see everything.”

The pout started to melt off of Peter’s face, and he nodded in understanding. “Yeah, I really wanted to see the presents being wrapped,” he agreed.

“Well, why don’t you go ask the babysitter to show you later, okay? They probably haven’t gone too far just yet--”

“No! I wanna go with you!” Peter insisted, grabbing Wade’s sleeve.

“It’d be better if you went back with the group,” Wade responded, tugging Peter’s hand off of him. He didn’t have any guilt about doing questionable activities by himself, but he’d be damned if he dragged Peter--the son of _Captain America_ \--down with him.

“Why?” Peter pushed petulantly, getting louder. “I like you more, and I don’t know where Candy went.”

“Sh, just--keep your voice down, okay?” Wade hissed, holding a finger up to his lips. “Fine. You can come with me, but you have to be _quiet_ and don’t _touch_ anything.” The hypocrisy of the statement wasn’t lost on him, but the older boy refused to acknowledge it.

Peter smirked triumphantly up at him and nodded. Wade had the distinct feeling that he’d been had, but just let Peter hold his hand as they continued walking.

***

Tony and Clint had to move to the other side of the aircraft when a line of communication was reached with the North Pole. Even Sam had to turn around for a few moments, a hand over his mouth to stifle his chuckles.

The elf that was standing to attention in the hologram seemed unbothered by the other’s reactions, standing to attention and wearing a scowl that seemed out of place on her round, rosy-cheeked face.

“ _Captain Rogers_ ,” she greeted him cordially, voice high-pitched enough to draw another guffaw from Clint. “ _I’m Lieutenant Holly of the Candycane Brigade._ ”

“Please tell me I was slipped something before this whole thing started,” Clint begged Tony. “Or someone must have pumped something into the air vents. This honestly can’t be real. That adorable little lady can _not_ be a member of the _Candycane Brigade_.”

“I’ve already tested for hallucinogens in the air,” Tony snickered. “And Thor checked for magical interference. Both came back negative. This is one hundred percent real.”

“I’m sure that Director Fury filled you in on the situation?” Steve asked, standing to attention and meeting her cool gaze with her own.

 _“Yes, he has,_ ” she said. “ _I’m sorry, Captain Rogers, but while a breach of security like this is very serious, it isn’t our number one priority at the moment, and we can’t risk having outsiders invading the city._ ”

“It’d hardly be _invading_ ,” Natasha argued. “We’re a small team that has only one mission. We’d be in and out in less than an hour.”

“ _Be as that may, you have to understand that having adult humans in our world is very...unnerving and out of the ordinary for us. There hasn’t been one in Christmastown in over one hundred and fifty years._ ”

“Then I’m sure you can spare one or two people to help us find _two missing children_ ,” Sam insisted, brow furrowed.

“ _We’re on a tight schedule right now, Captain Rogers_ ,” she told him sternly. “ _The final stages of loading the sleigh are in full swing, and then there’s the celebration before Mr. Claus is meant to leave_ punctually _in twenty-four hours._ ”

“A _party_ is more important than missing kids?” Logan growled. “I thought Santa’s elves were meant to be all about the children or some shit.” Natasha motioned for him to be quiet, but her scowl reflected the sentiment.

“One of the boys, Wade, he’s a huge troublemaker that can possibly sabotage everything,” Steve quickly added. He shot an apologetic look to Logan, who only shrugged. It was the truth, after all, and if it would help them get their boys back, he wouldn’t complain.

Concern started to grow on Holly’s face. “

“ _We’re waiting to hear back from the higher ups,_ ” Holly sighed. “ _Nothing can happen until we have approval_.”

“And how long’s that supposed to take?” Sam snapped irritably at her.

“ _An hour, at most._ ”

There was a collective exclamation of dismay from the team in the jet.

They went back and forth for about another ten minutes before the elf looked off to the side of the camera, talking in a low voice to whoever was out of view. After a few moments, she sighed heavily and turned back to the screen, straightening up again.

“ _We’ve got permission to bring you in,”_ she said, the displeasure obvious in her voice. “ _We’re opening the barrier now and sending you coordinates on where to land, where you’ll be met by a team that will help you search the city. We’ve already dispatched a few others to look around the city for your children. When they are found, we’ll have a quick debriefing and then you’ll be asked to leave the premises immediately. Merry Christmas, Captain Rogers._ ”

The screen flickered out, before coming alive again with a set of longitudinal and latitudinal coordinates. Tony scrambled up and started putting them into the GPS. In front of the aircraft, the whole sky seemed to shimmer brightly. The glitter seemed to retract down, folding in on itself until there was a large hole in the sky. In the distance, where there had once been nothing, they could see the faint glow of what could be a city, and train tracks running through the hills.

“Oh,” Sam said faintly, eyes comically wide as he stared at the window. “I wasn’t actually expecting that. Damn.”

“Get ready for landing,” Steve snapped, back in his ‘Captain America’ mode. “Romanov, you’re piloting.”

Everyone checked over their weapons and armor, making sure that everything was in order. Tony put on his suit, while Clint counted his arrows and Sam put on his goggles.

Bucky reached out and grabbed Steve’s shoulder. Throughout the whole flight, the couple hadn’t talked much, Steve too busy getting off and on calls with Fury and the elves at the North Pole. The blond allowed himself to be pulled to the side.

“Take a deep breath,” Bucky murmured to his boyfriend. He shifted his hand up further and cupped his jaw, rubbing his thumb in soothing circles. “We’re gonna get him back, okay? We know where he is, and we’re only a few minutes away. And he has Wade to protect him.”

Steve closed his eyes and let some of the tension drain out of his body, head slumping to rest on Bucky’s shoulder. “I hate this,” he muttered, voice thick. “I’m never letting him out of my sight again. And screw ‘SHIELD approved’ babysitters. Only Sam and Natasha are allowed to watch him from now on.”

“Agreed,” Bucky said, sharing a small smile with the other man.

***

Wade glanced back at Peter, who had been dragging his feet for the passed few minutes, and admitted that the boy really did look exhausted. His eyes were drooping heavily, and every so often he would yawn widely.

Wade had been walking slower and slower, matching Peter’s decreases in speed. The younger boy finally came to a stop.

“Wade, ‘m tired,” Peter mumbled, blinking lazily.

The older boy nodded in sympathy. “Let’s see if we can find somewhere to rest, okay?”

They were on the upper balcony, and Wade pressed his ear against the heavy doors, checking for sounds of anyone inside. He started opening the doors that were locked, peeking into the rooms. The majority was filled with tools or other workshops, but the fifth door was the jackpot.

It was an office of some kind, large and roomy. A fire roared in the fireplace, and a Christmas tree shone brightly in the corner, covered in tinsel and ornaments and seeming to glow. There was an ornately carved desk with a large, red chair behind it. The most important thing, though, was the plush couch under the frosty windows, the same red as the chair.

“In here, Petey,” Wade waved him in, stepping inside when he was sure that the coast was clear.

Peter obediently followed him in and flopped down on the couch. Wade crouched down and untied his boots, setting them to the side before helping him out of his jacket, too.

“You can take a nap here,” he told him as Peter laid down.

“But I don’t wanna miss anything,” Peter mumbled, eyes already falling shut.

“You won’t,” Wade soothed him, pulling the younger boy’s jacket over him like a blanket. “And if you do, we’ll go back and show you. Just sleep, okay? It’s really late.” According to the cuckoo clock on the wall, it was nearing ten o’clock, quite a bit past Peter’s bedtime.

Within moments, Peter was sound asleep, mouth open and breathing deep. Wade crept out on his toes, closing the door with a nearly inaudible click.

Wade felt a bit better now that he wasn’t in danger of corrupting Peter any further. He was safe now, sleeping in a rather posh office and leaving the older boy to go wreak havoc around the factory and fudge his name onto the Nice List.

Looking around again to make sure no one was near, he started down towards the filing cabinets, searching for the W’s.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. Comments/kudos much appreciated! If you have any questions/prompts/want to chat, send me an ask: darkmoonmaiden.tumblr.com


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